Garret says I am right a lot of the time but that my truths come too early, before the people are ready. This has to be the kind of thing your live-in partner says to you so that you will stop complaining about no one listening to you so they can have a moment’s peace. It’s also the type of thing that I will not interrogate at all because it feels true: Certainly I must be the Paul Revere of opinions about comedy, feminism and whatever else I am going on about. The Elon thing really gets to me, because I TOLD YOU ALL. But did I? Did I really? Let’s see, I said he was a toxic grifter with a shitty sense of style (which is the other bellwether for potential villains: young men who are careless about their aesthetic when they are in the public eye because they think they are above it (Zuck, Elon, Dave from Love is Blind S8)). But let’s be so for real right now: I never said he was going to become Government Godzila. And yes, I should very likely have at least a weekly slot on MSNBC or something but that’s like, kinda everyone? The point is, I am smart, I pay attention, and I have had a lot of my predictions about the nature of gender politics bear out in the most disconcerting ways, but I’m not fucking psychic and I do miss things.
A week ago I told you the sordid tale of someone I barely knew asking me something that made me really uncomfortable. I gave you the context that I had at the time so you would be able to understand why it made me uncomfortable, and what lessons I think people in man-shaped bodies should take from it. Nothing I am about to tell you should negate any of that. But, uh, new reports are coming in. Beep-beep-beep, news alert sound: We are hearing that the guy who I said was a veritable stranger to me was actually a guy I have worked with for the past three seasons post Ozempic. I have worked with this man for seven years, and he looks completely different. I did not, and still do not, visually recognize him as the same person. So, now I have to go back over every interaction I have had this year with him and see if I am being rude or he is being extra so that I can determine whether I owe him an apology or not. It’s like some kind of social anthropology cold case. UGH.
I could not possibly give less of a shit about ozempic. I don’t really have any direct experience with any of the issues people face which might prompt them to take such a drug, nor do I think weight loss is mandatory for good health. My personal trainer does, and he knows not to open that can of worms with me because I will literally put worms in his cans if he tries that shit. Since we know that even doctors are not always trustworthy when it comes to treating fat people because of their prejudice, I’m not listening to anyone who isn’t a doctor about weight loss and health. Also, I don’t comment on people’s appearance when it involves things outside their control. I will make exceptions for Elon Musk, who is ugly as hell, but one of the main reasons that he is ugly is that he exists. He should stop that. It is gross and it’s a real turn off.
Also! I am just assuming that he used a drug to lose weight because that is a thing now! He could have had any number of experiences in or outside of his control! I do not know anything! Well, that’s not true. I know that if your appearance change is drastic to the extent that you have had multiple people not recognize you even after staring into your eyes, you do maybe want to go ahead and say “Hi, it’s me, I look very different, but I am this person that you know from a year and a half ago.” Or is that being some kind of ism?? Please for the love of Pete tell me how I can get cancelled, I need the Netflix special.
I feel like the wrap up to this story has to be something from an 2000’s era teen movie where there’s a voiceover like “This summer I thought I knew it all, that I had nothing to learn. Boy was I wrong. The thing I really learned was that I don’t really know anything at all. And that’s a good thing.”
Resident Alien S4 Check in:
We read the final two episodes in our last table read of season four and I am having feelings. I of course cannot say more than that here, but I am fragile enough emotionally that I have found comfort in this google game. I know that all tech companies are evil and all we can do is cower in our various IP corners until they turn their techno-feudal eye of Sauron on us and decide to replace us with 6 fingered AI avatars with better boobs, but this game is charming. It reminds me of when the internet was a magical place where you could stumble upon cool things made by cool people, for free, just for fun.
Bonus short bloglet:
Reading the news is like a wall of poison fire coming at you and your only hope is holding on to the fender (???) of a Cybertruck. I read news analysis because while it doesn’t help with the wall of fire or the being-dragged-along-the-ground-at-speed thing, it does help me get a better grip on the fender, if that makes sense. Or maybe it’s just: “Wow there are rocks down my pants. I know exactly how they got there.”
